First steps on the road to cohabitation

We live our lives differently today. Marriage is no longer the natural, expected, or affordable next step in a relationship, with many couples choosing to live together (cohabit) instead.

There could be many difficulties, some of which you will not anticipate, and as with all relationships, communication and preparation are key.

Cohabiting can be a great way to take a relationship to the next level, and the closest comparison to marriage you will get. It's also a major step that requires careful thought and planning.

Before deciding to move in with a partner, both of you should consider and discuss a number of topics. Doing so demonstrates commitment to the relationship and increases the chance that the years ahead together will tighten your bond.

It's important to be aware of the potential challenges that can come with cohabiting. Taking the step of moving in together requires adjustment, and it's not uncommon for couples to experience tension or conflict as they navigate the changes.

The key is to be patient and understanding with each other, keep in mind the big picture, and be open to compromises and changes along the way.

Communication

First and foremost, it's important to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to the future of your relationship.

• Are you both committed to each other?
• Do you see a long-term future together?

If you're not both equally invested in the relationship and have shared future goals, cohabiting could create tension or resentment down the line. Take some time to talk openly and honestly with your partner about your hopes and expectations for the future and be sure you're both on the same page.

As with any relationship, communication is key when it comes to cohabiting.

• Make sure you're both comfortable discussing any issues that come up, and that you're able to work through conflicts in a healthy and productive way.

• Take the time to learn each other's communication styles and needs and make a commitment to being open and honest with each other.

• Make sure you also discuss the big-ticket items:

• Do you anticipate that a successful cohabitation might turn into a marriage?
• What are your views of having children?
• Would you be willing to relocate.

Having these conversations early on can save much heartache down the line.

House Rules

Another key factor to consider is the practicalities of living together.

• Have you spent enough time together to know that you're compatible when it comes to daily habits and routines?
• Do you share similar values and interests when it comes to how you like to live your life?

Living together means sharing space and responsibilities, and it's important to make sure that you're both prepared for the changes that come with that.

It's also important to discuss how you'll divide household chores and responsibilities. Living together means sharing the workload.

• Making an agreed upon plan for what chores you’ll each be responsible (and how often) gives you a reference point should conflicts or resentments build around imbalanced efforts.
• Sitting down calmly to revisit the plan and discuss whether changes are needed, you can open the door to compromise and recommitting to the success of the arrangement.

Finances

It’s crucial to consider finances before cohabiting. Sharing living expenses can be a great way to save money, but it's important to be realistic about how much you can afford to spend.

• Take the time to create a budget together and discuss how you'll divide expenses.
• Make sure you’re both comfortable with the arrangement and have a plan in place for dealing with any unexpected costs or changes in your financial situation.


Chronicling

Consider too the chronicling element and whether you should look to be protecting your positions by putting any agreements or understandings in writing.

• Making records of various agreements and intentions can help avoid significant relationship issues in the future;
• Preparing a cohabitation agreement which is a legal document made between two individuals who live together but are not married. The purpose of a cohabitation agreement is to determine the division of assets and liabilities in the event of a separation.

In summary, before cohabiting, it's important to make sure you're both committed to the relationship and on the same page when it comes to the future. Take the time to discuss practicalities like finances and household responsibilities and be prepared to communicate openly and honestly with each other. With the right mindset and preparation, cohabiting can be a wonderful way to take your relationship to the next level.